


An Indiscretion

by Secrethomeworkassignment



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Adult Situations, Angst, F/M, More angst, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 01:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20498777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secrethomeworkassignment/pseuds/Secrethomeworkassignment
Summary: Fenris does something he regrets





	An Indiscretion

“Fenris? You alright?”

Hawke thought she must have drifted off in his arms, because the next moment she opened her eyes and there was just an indentation on the bed where he had been. Still warm. The candle had gone out but she could make out the shape of him sitting on the edge of the bed well away from her, still undressed, the lyrium under his skin pulsing softly in the moonlight that drifted in through the window. She couldn’t see his expression, but he looked upset with his head in his hands.

“What’s happened?” She asked with a growing apprehension. It had all felt so right in the moment- ecstatic- their bodies fit so well together it was impossible to tell where she ended and he began. But all good things, right?

For a moment he said nothing, then he turned to look at her. He could see perfectly well in the dark, but in that moment he sort of wished he couldn’t. Her exposed skin fair and luminous, her face so vulnerable… he hated himself for laying her so bare.

“Hawke…” He couldn’t believe he was about to do this. “This was a mistake.”

There it was. She should have been ready for it.

“That so?” She asked in a carefully neutral voice. “It didn’t feel that way to me.”

Fenris grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

Hawke took this in.

“Right.”

The whole thing had felt too good to be true because of course it was.

Her tone was brittle and Fenris thought he could hear a door slam shut in it.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen this way, truly.” He protested. “I owe you an explanation-”

She could take the disappointment of being dumped (well, she probably could) but this was truly intolerable. The apology, the insistence that “it’s not you, it’s me,” the tiptoeing around her feelings and keeping it secret when he finally did meet the one he wanted. She didn’t need any of that, and she had hoped he knew her well enough to know that she didn’t. She couldn’t deny that she wanted him, but she would not have him bound to her with guilt.

“Sure that’s really not necessary.” She cut him off before he could even start to let her down easy. “These things happen, Fen. You don’t want to take it any further, so it stops here. We don’t have to mention it again.”

Fenris looked at her- so tender, but trying so hard to be the tough guy. It was as much for her own benefit as it was for him, he could tell. He had badly injured her pride, and something deeper too, he thought. But it wasn’t like that. He didn’t know how to convince her without sounding like he was patronizing her.

He nodded. He should leave, but he didn’t want to go.

Hawke cleared her throat. “Look, its late.”

Fenris dressed as quickly as he could and left the Amell estate, refusing to let himself look back. Walking back through the dark cobblestone alleys of hightown, to his empty, depressing house, Fenris wished he had ever learned to say exactly what was in heart.

After they had been together, as he lay with her head on his chest, memories had come flooding back to him, of Minrathous, of his mother and sister, of his life before Danarius, things for which he had been entirely unprepared. He wasn’t the little wolf at all, his name was Leto. Danarius had used the people he loved to snare him. What was stopping him from doing the same with Hawke? Suddenly, the beautiful raven haired girl in his arms started to feel like a liability he couldn’t afford. If Danarius captured her and threatened to kill her if he didn’t go back, what would he do then?

He was falling in love with her, but who was he even?

Fasta vass. He wasn’t about to make her wait around while he figured it out. It was better this way, really. Maybe when he got his shit together she’d be there, but he wasn’t counting on it. He saw the way Anders looked at her, and he was just one among many. Best let her get on with her life.

It was a low thing he’d done, he thought. Without honor. If only he’d exercised a little self control… If this were Minrathous his next move would be to inform her brother of what he’d done, let Carver challenge him to a duel, eat shit and allow the manchild to beat him bloody. But that was not the custom here. While it would be cathartic for him, Fenris suspected it would be humiliating for Hawke, if Carver even cared enough for his sister’s honor to go through the motions, which Fenris somewhat doubted.

Well, that was that. He’d taken the only real friendship he had and thrown it straight into the garbage. Like the magisters of old, he’d entered the Golden City and defiled it. He rubbed the strip of red silk around his wrist. His injury had long since healed, but he had washed it and kept it on for sentimental reasons. He supposed he should give it back now, Hawke said it had belonged to her sister, but he’d already been so selfish he supposed a bit more selfishness couldn’t hurt.

Fenris reached the door to his decrepit, despoiled, decadent squat with a deep sigh. The most he could hope for was that tomorrow, when they all met up, he and Hawke could go on as they had before.


End file.
